Tough Enough Team Champion Member May Have Overextended Himself Before Critical Battle with East Coast Adversaries in Boston
NYC, April 17, 2008

In a shocking display of arrogance, Loren Bland, member of Tough Enough's winning team The Young And the Restless (also awarded the most unoriginal name of the day), elected to run at full speed just one week before he intends to represent Santa Barbara in a battle for running supremacy against New York at the Boston Marathon. The event is attracting running fans from around the globe this weekend as they get the rare chance to watch the United States Women's Olympic Trials, as well as Bland going head to head against his former teammates Steve Rider and David Monico, both now hailing from New York.

"Monico and Rider couldn't hang with me in a coat room," said the ever-witty Bland. "I am basically planning on training through this whole weekend to get ready for Santa Barbara Summer racing." Loren, the leading candidate for Nite Moves Most Eligible Bachelor of 2008 describes his opponents as unfocused and out of shape. "Monico is too distraught on Obama politics to be a threat, and Rider is doomed to eat a bunch of vaseline and slip and fall at mile 20."

Rider and Monico, former Santa Barbara residents and respective winners of the 2005 and 2006 Santa Barbara 10-miler, have been employing some questionable training. On a recent "Goober-Tube" reality show, Rider unveiled an unusual abdominal workout which consists of eating two Dunkin Donuts and a Cherry Coke for all three meals a day. "Your stomach hasn't worked until it's been through that," said the former Shoreline Drive resident who now lives in Herald Square. "I'm ready. America runs on Dunkin." The self-proclaimed Treadmill Miracle Worker on 34th Street never known for being modest or accurate added, "Bland's knees are made of porridge and he couldn't beat me if he took the subway."

David Monico, also known as The New Face of Harlem, says, "Bland is horrible. Rider and I are going to creep up behind him and outkick him during the final 60 meters." When informed that they would be competing in a marathon and not a 400 meter relay race, Monico's confidence didn't waiver, "We're still going to take him. I've been running up the four flights of stairs to my place with major intensity every day. Somedays I don't even have to stop on the third floor at my neighbor's for water."

Oddsmakers had put Bland as the favorite, forecasting a time of around 2:53. The rogue training tactics of Rider and Monico have yet to be recognized as Lydiardisque, thus putting the over/under for them at 3 hours. However bookies were rattled when, during a taste test last week, Loren couldn't tell the difference between Vodka and Gatorade. "I'm not sure what that says about his training," said one analyzer. And now factoring in Bland's latest Tough Enough Race, all bets are off and only time will tell as the trio meet for an epic battle with intensity that is sure to rival that of the Super Bowl when the heavily favored Patriots suffered one Giant loss to New York.